I love love stories...

It may seem like a strange place to find a love story... but today I found this 'last letter' at the Imperial War Museum in London. This was in the Holocaust Exhibit, a last love letter from a husband on his way to a Nazi death camp. Its really quite beautiful, and I thought worth taking a moment to share.

23 September 1942

My dearest little wife,

The dice have been cast. I am heading towards deportation and it is while the train is moving that I am throwing this last letter to an employee of the railways in the hope that he will post it without a stamp…

I leave in good health and if we are able to resist the regime that is waiting for us, I will some back. I ask you to do as I am doing and to take courage and to hope. Don’t renounce anything for yourself. Don’t worry about your future, while you are waiting for my return, If I get out, I hope that we will live happily…. Have confidence and don’t fall into despair.

All my thoughts and all my love are in this last letter together with my gentle, tender kisses.

Your husband,

Adrien

Beautiful isn't it?

Just an update.... I leave for Scotland tomorrow! Its so crazy to think that I am just hoping on a train and going to another country! So crazy! And yes, I am taking a train, and yes I will feel like I am on the Hogwarts Express (I even leave from Kings Cross Station!) and no I do not feel like a nerd about it.... well maybe just a little bit. I promise there will be pictures and stories to tell, probably many of them involving me getting lost.... But as a very sweet and wise young woman just reminded me, "No one ever wrote a good story, or lived one for that matter, by taking it easy!" (Thank you Amber, you are so wonderful!)

  So here goes! Wish me luck my friends!

Feeling all growed up.

So, it may seem a small thing to many, but I just booked my train tickets to and from Edinburgh Scotland for my fall break. And for me, it was anything but a small thing!
This is my first trip traveling abroad, and my first trip genuinely traveling by myself, talk about learning some independence! And this trip was no easy thing to plan. Not only am I figuring out buses, undergrounds and trains all by myself, but then there was the mix up with the 24 hour clock. I hate the 24 hour clock. Saying 15:00 for 3:00 just doesn't make sense, and no one uses it in real life here! Its only on schedules and train stations apparently. So what happened is, I booked my train to come into London and hour after our Fall Break Curfew (the one time in the entire semester that they demand a time to be home!) and while that doesn't seem like a huge amount of time to be late, keep in mind that its about a twenty minute ride on the underground and then an hour and a half bus ride from London to my home in Oxford. So that put me home at about 2am on a 10pm curfew.... not really going to work...
However, it took about 4 hours collectively on the the phone today with the train company to fix this small problem so that I come into London at 16:56 (yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is almost 5 o'clock) which gives me plenty of time to get home by 10pm. Phew!
The really funny part of the story though is how much I let this trip stress me out. For those of you who know this worrier well, the smallest mistakes on my part can seem the end of the world. I was so proud of myself and so happy that I had planned and booked this trip all by myself! And then I found out that I did it all wrong. All wrong! Oh no! Its the end of the world!!! (Ok, so not really, but you know the inner drama queen comes out every once in a while....) What this meant thought is lots of asking for help, lots of figuring things out on my own and a whole lot of prayer for patience and humility.
So maybe the lesson here is that being all grown up doesn't mean having it all together. It actually means that you mess up, make mistakes, ask for help and figure it out. Being all grown up means learning even more humility than I needed as a teenager, means i ask for help and then I do it on my own. And make mistakes and ask for help.... its a huge cycle. However, there is nothing to be ashamed of in needing help as a 'grown up'. I'm not perfect! I never will be! The important thing is, I did it. I didn't let fear or pride hold me down, I asked for help, I made plans, I changed plans, made mistakes and fixed them, and in two weeks I am going to be on a train to Scotland! It wasn't smooth, but I did it. I'm feeling all growed up.


Just a little teaser.... this is where I am going over the break. I promise to take LOTS of pictures and to tell lots of stories.

And so it begins....

Well here we go.... let the essay writing begin! This was my desk the other night as I was working on my first paper for the Oxford Semester. What you can't see here, is that the notebook is full of notes from four other rather large books that I was not allowed to take out of the library and had to leave with only notes. My first paper, on the King Arthur stories, is pretty much finished, just needs some polishing! That right there is a good feeling! First paper down, only 16 more to go? Something like that....

I think I am starting to settle into this academic life at Oxford. Still getting lost in the libraries, but how can that be helped- they are huge! Still getting used to what is expected of an Oxford scholar, but I am gaining confidence that this is where I am supposed to be. At least for right now. I forget sometimes how much I love learning. How much I love applying myself academically. And as much as I am excited to be done with the academic world for a while when I graduate and move on to other fun things (I am sooo excited to be marrying the love of my life in little over a year's time!!) I am very grateful for this opportunity to be in the atmosphere that I am in right now. I am still very much missing home, and very mush missing my home University and the people there, but the longer I am here, the more I see that God has always been behind this decision and that this is the right place and time for me to be. I wish I could walk every moment of everyday in this kind of confidence, but the moments of clarity are very precious. There is so much for me to learn here, outside of the lecture halls and libraries, and I think that God is doing a very big thing in my heart and in my mind this semester. I am anxiously- excited about where he is taking me and teaching me...

Soo, that's my ramble for today. Wish me luck on the marks of this first paper! I am a little nervous as I am submitting it. Oxford standards= a lot of pressure!! But I hold to the truth that God's lessons for me here are not on a pass or fail standard, there isn't even a letter grade waiting for me at the end of term. I have been faithful so far, and will be faithful still to the best of my ability, and that's all I can ask of myself. =)

Pictures!

So here are a few shots of where I am living and a few of the things I have seen so far.

The Vines. I live here!

Blackwell's Bookstore. Heaven.

The Pub that C.S. Lewis was known to frequent.

I went to Stonehenge! It was windy!

Ruins of the Old Cathedral.

Salisbury Cathedral. The second level up on the tower is where we stood!

Salisbury Cathedral.

View from the top of the tower.

View from the top of the Tower.

The path I ride my little red bike to school on.

The Courtyard at Christ Church.

The inside of Christ Church Cathedral.

The leaves are starting to change!

There will be more soon! Hope you enjoy!

One day at a time.

One day at a time, this has been my mantra throughout life ever since a very special lady in my life bravely went through the AA program and brought out that little piece of wisdom. Just take it one day at a time.
Throughout my journey this has been my comfort through difficult times, when Jesus says, "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt. 6: 34) Just take things one day at a time, there is nothing that you can do to control or change the events of tomorrow by worrying about them today, so just take this day as it comes. However, being here in London, a more positive side to this little statement. Taking each moment as it comes means finding the joy in every single little moment, instead of jumping to the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing....The days are so much more enjoyable if you take a moment to stop and enjoy each day for the little things. At the same time, it has proven to relieve a lot of the worry! By enjoying the little things, the big things become less.... scary. =) Enjoying the sights of the city makes being lost a beautiful adventure instead of a stressful afternoon- and yes, this has become a way of living, an everyday occurrence in this new, huge city!

But enough of that.... I know you are wondering what I have been up to in the week that I have been living here in Oxford?
One beautiful word- churches. I am absolutely amazed and overjoyed by the churches we have had the opportunity to visit over the last few days.
Christ Church Cathedral is in the middle of Oxford City itself, and is part of the Christ Church College. (Just a little nerd moment- this is the place where some scenes were filmed for Harry Potter- particularly the Great Hall.) But the Church itself is amazing, the highest ceilings!
The other day we did some exploring around the England country side, going to Stonehenge, the ruins of a Anglo-Saxon fort, and the Oldest Cathedral in England. It was incredible. And in truth, even after seeing Stonehenge, and learning all the mystery and myth about it. I was more inspired by the church than the monument. The fact that something that huge, built to the Glory of the God I worship now, is still standing after hundreds and hundreds of years is absolutely incredible to me. I was completely awestruck by the beauty of the Church (pictures to come...) But then, just to top off the experience, we then got to climb to almost the top of the 404ft tall church tower and get to look down on the amazing views of the English country side. Climbing the tiny, tiny spiral stone staircases- equally frightening and amazing. And the views made the dizzy spells worth it!
I am making a point of it this trip to see as many of these beautiful churches as I can. When else will I have the opportunity to climb a staircase into a tower that is older than the country I live in! Crazy right?!
And tomorrow we are headed into London! Some sightseeing, Evensong at St. Paul's, and the Themes Festival. Should be an amazing day- I'll have to tell you all about it!

And there are pictures coming soon! I promise!

First Impressions

Three days into a three month trip means there are still tears and some fears, adventures getting  lost, getting used to a nine hour time difference and making a ton of new friends. The adventure has already been so good, and I know that there are so many more wonderful things in store for me this semester.

One of the truly amazing things about this trip is that I am meeting the most amazing people. Just imagine, a house full of forty or so English, Philosophy or History majors (just to name a few) who are dedicated to learn and see all that they can in the next few months. The conversations have been nerdy at worse (or best?) and intellectual at best (or worst?). We have talked about movies, music, books (of course!), our families, our faith, and the places we have been. Its an awesome experience to put so many people from such different places and backgrounds and find that they have so much in common, so many things that we can talk about and share after just meeting each other. Those of you who know me well know that initial conversations are difficult for me, but I have felt so comfortable so far just jumping into friendships and making some really good connections already. There is something about homesickness that brings girls together in a tight bond.

This morning we went to St. Aldens church in Oxford City. It was such a beautiful morning, worshiping with the family of God all the way on the other side of the world. It made home feel so much closer to hear songs I knew, to join others in prayer and to learn from the Gospel of Luke. It was a mind blowing morning and I am hoping to make it a tradition on Sunday mornings.

Tomorrow holds my first bike ride through Oxford (keep your fingers crossed!), the beginning of Orientation and a chance to really explore Oxford. More stories and pictures to come from this anxious world traveler. Your love and prayers are felt all the way here in Oxford and I miss you all so very much.

Traveling Mercies

God is so good!

About three days before I left for beautiful England I felt completely overwhelmed by the big-ness of everything I was about to do. The distance is "big", the time I'm gone is "big", the airport is "big", the city, the school, the fear, the anxiety, the joy, the excitement... its all so BIG!
I felt very
                very

                            small.

But my God is big too. Big enough to span all the way here to London, in a different country, a different time zone (which for some reason makes it feel so, so much further from home.) and wrap me in his arms tonight.
I want to tell you all about the amazing place I am living and the friends I have already made and all the things that I am so excited about, but I need to catch up on 24hrs of being awake and an 8 hour time difference. I wish I could be all brave and confident and tell you all that there are no tears tonight, but thats just not true. Pain is a part of growing, and I know that is what this time in London is about. As a very wise friend said to me yesterday- this experience won't change me unless I let it change me. I know the courage and confidence will come with time and the tears tonight are just making the way for it.
More to come (including pictures!) when my head is more securely on my shoulders!
Good night all!